In which we go home and everybody cries.

So I'm home now, obviously.  

I didn't actually get to say goodbye to a bunch of people which bummed me out a bit - because getting out was something of an adventure for all of 30 minutes.  But they were a make it or break it 30 minutes!  Details in a bit.  

I did have my little "going away" presentations tho.  And I have a favorite present even tho I shouldn't and all the certificates and plaques from everyone were awesome.  But the boys made me a plaque which includes calling me Gimlet, "I do what I want!" (which may or may not have been what I said whenever they tried to boss me around), the conference, and my extension ( still pending as far as I know. cya in January, boys?). 

So, on getting out of Afghanistan.  What we learned:

- Bagram is a salute base.  And I frakked it up every time.

- Also they have rip-it's. So there's that.  I tried one on my way out (it's an energy drink, mom).

- It's a small Air Force.  I ran in to Trevor from school and Kurt-from-the-Front-Office!  And they saved my nite.  I didn't get scheduled for a flight from Kabul to Bagram, just from Bagram to Manas.  Le sigh.  However when I went to the terminal the lovely woman behind the counter, who said there were no flights that could make my showtime, told me that if I could get all my stuff to the terminal in 10 minutes I could get on a flight.  Which, was actually pretty amusing - after the fact - because before I left my replacement was there for a while so people kept asking me why I wasn't gone yet.  But anyway, Kevin (another awesome friend from Kabul) ran to the ISRD to get some of my stuff and I went to my room where I grabbed...most of my stuff.  Someone else grabbed my second bag on their way out the next day.  And I made it!  And promptly realized I had no idea where I was going once I landed.  So KFTFO and Trevor helped me find a bed and food, and lent me a phone charger as I totally forgot mine, and I made the flight to Manas the next morning.

Where I got to see Cassie for the first time in pretty much forever.  And I followed her around for 2 days, haha.  She had blue monsters and cheeze-its when I landed.  Because that's love.  And there are actually no words to say how awesome it was to see her and that I can't wait to again, so I'm going to stop now. (bah)(L)

And then we flew home. And it took a while.  A long while.

And landed at like 1am on the 24th, unbeknownst to my family, but known to some of my friends.  Greg and Tim couldn't be there, but sent a car and champagne which were incredible and a note which was perfectly written and which I will sentimentally keep forever.  

And, Jeff and Lisa were at the airport!  

And some people with cameras

I think I could have suffocated Lisa I hugged her so hard.  These lovely people not only met me at the airport, but set up my apt with Christmas and food and slipper socks (which was brilliant.  it's colder here than I anticipated)!!  They had a tree and lights and sandwich stuff and pizza!  

I seriously have the best friends.  Again with the "words cannot express" theme, these two things almost made me cry.  When I think of a way to thank all these people I've mentioned, I will.  I have to come up with something sufficiently awesome however.  I'm working on it.  Suggestions will be accepted.

Aaaand then I did a quick turn and went to Denver.  Where it was pretty much ALL THE FEELS.  See the video at the following link (mom is gonna watch this again, and cry again):

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0Bx9_uVNZFTekMUNpbFBnalBVbmc/edit?usp=drive_web

We're gonna become known for making a scene at church.  But I'm ok with it.

And now I'm home.  And why are there not pallets of water bottles everywhere?   What is this paying for bottles of water nonsense?  

Anyway, I leave for SOS soon but I have a few days to get used to being here again.  Gotta keep up the workouts (my sister asked me if they fed me, so I guess I look different and I'm ok with that), remember how to cook, break in the new baby interns, quit stalling on the laundry that's been waiting to to be put away for two days, and not set an alarm for the next ten days.  Lots of sleeping.  

To all the people I didn't get to say goodbye to, I'm sorry.  I really am.  It was the people I lived and worked with who made the deployment what it was, taught me everything I know, and who I truly hope to keep in touch with over the years (I know I'm being all serious, get over it.  I love these people).  Those of you who were some of the most important, you know who you are.  I'm not actually sure you read this but just in case.  If ya'll are ever in DC, or wherever I end up moving next, look me up.  

To everyone at home...I'm baaaaaack! 

Peace out homies.  You know how to find me.

-S.

There's a homemade doll on the JOC floor with a note that says "I will eat your soul" pinned to it.

No, really.  There is. 

Quote of the week:

Ben: "Only in Afghanistan, and maybe Detroit, is it perfectly acceptable to have guns and body armor piled against the table at a restaurant." 
Me: "...Detroit." 
Ben: "Have you ever been to Detroit?!"

As promised from weeks ago - a picture of all the women at the Afghan/Coalition meetup!  aka my field trip:

So the big news this week is that the ISR Conference is over...yaaaaay!  The whole thing was a bit of a weird experience for me.  The planning and doing prep for the thing is not difficult.  Herding cats, especially the ones that are Lieutenant Colonels...that's difficult.  Someone else here (based on a few situations, not just this one) has decided that people can't digest anything more than 140 characters anymore and I am starting to agree.  I am convinced that people did not actually read the paragraph long emails, based on the questions I got over and over and seeming inability of several people to read a map.  Also, for future reference: if you do not ask me to pick you up at the PAX terminal, or even tell me when you're landing...I'm not going to be there.  And if it's at 6pm I'm probably going to be eating dinner.  Just sayin. 

Nevertheless...it went well, methinks.  And I met some cool people, saw some friends, and did not tell any senior officers where to go.

Srsly tho.  LtCols.  Apparently just because you're an FGO doesn't mean you're a capable adult.

Sometimes I don't have nearly enough respect for rank...oops

Which, this job hasn't necessarily helped.  I may or may not be a little too comfortable telling Colonels what I think.  And occasionally what to do.  I'm not sure how I keep getting away with it. 

All the Christmas care packages are arriving.  SO MUCH JUNK FOOD.  And the guy in front of me has figured out that I will take any and all fruit snacks.  This is also the guy who brings back a bunch of cookies from the dining facility every day and says he's trying to make everyone else fat so he looks better by comparison.  I think he's mostly joking.  But I must stay motivated...working out yes, chocolate no.  Not even the homemade minty-caramel-dark chocolates aaaaggghhhhh.  No Sarah.  Burpee pull-ups, not chocolate.

My workout #2 partner made/let me design the workout we did last nite.  It was fun.  I think she hated me for a minute.  She hates all the moves I like.  The result was:

3x rounds of:
max box jumps
30x scottie bobs (@ 25 lbs)
max pull ups
15x back squats (@ 115lbs)
max incline situps (w/ 25lb plate) 
25 dips

It was a good time.  My arms hurt.  But I still managed to get my hair into a proper bun this morning so we're good.

In honor of my return home in less than a month, and eventual layover in Manas for who knows how long, this one's for you, Cassie:

What we learned this week:

- I am not a grown up because I don't do a Christmas letter.  Or even mail out Christmas cards...

- You can't give someone instinct in a turnover.

- You also can't make them comfortable dealing with Colonels and Generals all the time.  No matter how much you tell them it's not a big deal and to chill out.

- People tell me things and I don't know why.  When I figure that out, it'll be a blog post in and of itself.

- Sometimes a 3 line email letting you know you're doing a good job makes your day.  Or a few days.

- It takes roughly 24 hours to transfer the entirety of the share drive from one external hard drive to another.

And now it's time to sleep!  Goodnite all...I'll cya around.

-S.

Because Sal and Trust want to be in the blog.

Even tho Sal is Cuban (His words, not mine.  Actually, they might have been Trust's.)

Sal and Trust work the ops desk together at nite.  They have some of the most inane conversations I've ever heard in my life.  Esp when Sal talks because he has no concept of transitions and will just...keep...talking.  Trust is a smart-ass (he's going to take that as a compliment, don't worry) and the two of them together is throughly entertaining.  So, shout out to them.  Hi guys.

Quotes of the however-long-it's-been-since-I-last-posted:

"You and Capt Alford should have a fight.  In jello."

"I'm reasonably certain that if Robin weren't in the Army he'd be a cult leader."

"You have a guy named Tyrone who isn't black and an Asian kid named Kirby White?  I don't even know what to do with that."

So yeah. 

Let's see, what else.  Oh, it's Thanksgiving, and I think I gained 9 pounds today.  They had olive bread and sweet potato pie, I mean, really.  And we had Thai for dinner, because tradtition.  Right?  That's how that goes?  And tomorrow the Christmas music can start!  Yes Anna, still judging.

In addition to family and friends, that is something I'm thankful for - music.  It seriously helps me pass the day and I miss singing so much I can actually feel it.  I have sung offhand a little here for random reasons but I miss REALLY singing.  And maybe in part to remind myself that I can sing for real.

Ben came through!  We were stationed at RAFM together and he's awesome.  He's out in a different area now but he'll be back to visit next week for the conference.

Which, ya know, goes on.  Mini-rant: A pox upon micro management and people who think I care who they are ad they're special enough to not haev to follow the rules.  No people.  It's only partially a joke that I tell boss Colonels around.  I don't care who you are, rtfm and get your shit together.  In the grand scheme of things, who cares about a conference?  It's not life or death I'm annoyed at, it's administrivia.  But I have so little else to do that of COURSE I'm going to want to punch you in the throat when you can follow basic directions and are generally irritating.:  mini-rant over.

And, um...they started a movie list again, of what they think I need to watch.  Two of them, actually.  The ISRD started one and the ISAF SOF guys started one.  So that makes three including the one from IROC.  Apparently I do not get enough cultural references.

We have had some more pilot-y types come through, they continue to be cool.  I continue to try to work out twice a day as my schedule permits.  It's kinda happening.  This week, at least, has been awful when it comes to motivation and energy.  But I figure at least if I keep trying I'm doing something til I'm back to the schedule I like.

Really there have not been nearly enough shenannigans lately.  We need to hijack a gator again or something.

It's getting cold but has yet to snow.  I may miss it completely...good thing Colorado exists.  Speaking of -

Dear Colorado people, I'm coming home soon.  Get up for it.

Dear Maxwell, AL people, I'm headed your way too, in January.  How many of there are you, anyway?

Recent reading:

I finished Redshirts, I forget if I mentioned that.  Then I read Bossypants, which is indeed hilarious, and now I'm reading A Girl of the Limberlost.

On my phone.  The ipad is beyond help at this point.  I could see the cracks sneaking across the screen, devious little buggers, and now I really don't think I can use it without getting teeny tiny glass bits in my fingers.  And quite frankly that sounds unpleasant.

I finished my masters and turned in my thesis and after all that non-guidance and confusing-ness, he gave me an A-.  Well cool!  YAY for being done.

What else? Well, I started mailing things home so I think that means I actually leave soon despite the best efforts of Mac and the flat out denial of Kirby.  And it's good I reused boxes because I totally did not remember my own address.

Anybody want to go to a Flogging Molly Concert in Atlanta in Feb?

I'm actualy much happier than I'm coming across at the moment, just to put your mind at ease mom.  I will even miss people when I'm gone, as much as I'm loking forward to going home.  Rather a bit, cause that's how I roll.

Things we've learned recently:

- I hate making Christmas lists.

- I also hate haggling.

- Said making Christmas lists just encourages me to shop online.  But NO MORE.  Except for other people.

- They blocked this site at work so now I have to actually figure out when to write this thing on purpose.  Hence the delay on this one. 

- How to shuffle.  No, really.  I'm still pretty bad but I can fake it now. 

- The closer I get to leaving the less likely I am to be patient with stupidity.   I need to work on that.

- I also really need to visit Australia.

That is all, I think.  Time for sleeping.

-S.

thumb holes are the best thing that ever happened to long sleeve shirts.

Quotes of the...er...two weeks?  My bad:

"Sarah, why did you come up with this bs workout?"
"Because I hate you."
"Wow, the level of banter in here has almost reached Australian."

"Ma'am, whenever you answer 'how are you' with 'not bad', I feel like I should look for a body somewhere."

This post is going to be significantly weather based.  Because it's been raining all week and it was awesome.   I eventually broke out the sweet jacket and everything.  And it really is a sweet jacket.  Totally worth making my deployment manager write three equipment letters until I was allowed to get it.  And I've got a beanie which keeps my ears warm and will likely be adopted and worn way to much even when I get home. 

However, despite the sweet jacket, I still do that thing where I run around in the rain in shorts and a t-shirt.  And it's still pretty much awesome and no mom I did not make myself sick.  People did look at me funny tho.

And the less I care to focus on work the more tempted I am to shop online.  Particularly when everyone is having sales (Brooks Brothers, Black Fleece, 70% off.  It's a good thing I'm not at home and finding things that fit in person.).  And I do not need more coats! But...I wants it!  I don't have a red one, that's a good reason right?  It's cute as all get out...dangit, modcloth!

Also, since it's started getting cold enough to wake me up at nite, I bothered to push buttons until the A/C worked as a heater.  Now, I don't really have a sense of smell for the most part, just randomly.  But when I turn on the heater at nite now, it smells like the house does when my dad turns on the pilot light of the furnace for the first time when summer is over, and it burns all the dust away or something.  It is hands down my favorite smell and it makes me anxious to be home.

I finished The Beautiful &The Damned.  It's a confusingly depressing book.  Not actually depressing, because I'd say I liked it, but it's not really a happy book.  I've moved on to Redshirts: A Novel with Three Codas.  It's entirely different and it hilarious, and dad you should read it.  As should all my nerdy friends out there who know what 'redshirt' means when I say it.

So I turned in my thesis draft and then finally got it back four days before the original due date (he kindly extended it).  And for the first time got actual feedback.  Not all of it was useful but at least it was real, and not "ok."  More interestingly:  Some people did not turn in a draft.  Really people?  Last masters class, and it's a paper with free feedback for you to fix everything to make sure you pass and you don't turn in a draft? 

I tried a thing called Tim Tams this week, which I got from an Aussie for helping them with a computer thing.  They were pretty good.  Apparently they're a big deal.


Random thoughts:

- I've found myself increasingly interested in noticing who doesn't look back when they walk away from someone.

- Leadership that reacts purely based on their mood or emotions at the time is just shite.  It is irrational, off-putting, and is pretty much a way to lose my confidence in you instantly.

- Sometimes the best way to get over wanting to be with people is to be alone on purpose.  Preferably with a good book.

- Dear COLs, I'm a Capt, not a complete idiot.   And I get to tell you no.  Do not keep trying to play me.


Later ya'll!

-S.

In which we go on a field trip and build a fort.

We got new mattresses at Camp Courage. Which in addition to being cool because, hey, new mattress, led to the required disposal of all the old mattresses. So we gathered on Saturday morning and waited to trade in the old for the new.

This is what happens when the mattress people are late: mattress bowling. We tried to make a fort but they weren't stable enough. There was judgment, but we didn't care. Worth it.  Don't act like you're surprised.

Other adventures: I played I Spy on an ISR feed. via mIRC. cause I made a sweet DGS friend.

(For the uninitiated, mIRC is a chat program on a classified network. This guy is thousands of miles away, but we were both watching the same feed and the day was exceedingly slow for both of us, so he started the I Spy. Hilarious. I did not win however, which was sad.)

I also finally went on that field trip! So what we did, was go to the MOD conference for a women's conference, and met about 20 female Afghan junior officers. We talked about the challenges of being a woman in the military (especially theirs) and had cookies and talked for like 2 hours. It was really neat. There were some interesting similarities - they were all much more outspoken than I had anticipated, which was nice because I expected it to be a lot more awkward. It also helped that we had plant of interpreters, and they were very good. There are pics, I'll post a couple as soon as I get them on this network.

It was also my first adventure with movcon...and it had to be the best movcon for those guys ever. We left at 0730 and as each new girl walked up you could just see the drivers get happier and more interested in what was going on. We asked if they'd ever had this many girls on a movcon before and without even thinking about it we got a prompt "NO." Best. Movcon. Ever.  (Seriously, all of us together was the largest group of girls, AND the largest group of CGOs I've seen in 4 months. We had full bird Colonels RUNNING from us.)

Also on movcon - I've decided that some of the drivers have the job of simply cutting off as many people as possible while driving fast. I COULD TOTALLY BE THAT DRIVER. It kinda made me want to learn to drive in Kabul.

Don't worry mom, they'll never let me.

I also had a sweet encounter with a little kid. We were all armored up in our car and this little boy, maybe 5 or 6, was just staring at us, so I waved. It caught him off guard, so then I made a face. He turned to his dad for a second and then back, and we spent 2 minutes waving and making faces at each other. By the time we pulled away he was halfway out the window giving me a thumbs up - it was adorable.

Pidge is in town now and we had dinner this week. It was really cool, and also weird - he's a Lt Col select now, and I'm a Captain. We're co-workers as opposed to student and teacher now, haha. So strange.

In sorta relaxed news, I'm going to watch a movie with a friend tomorrow, for only the second time since I've been here.  Seriously, I think I've watched one movie.  So I'm quite looking forward to it.  I might be able to switch off for a minute.

In part, because I think I'm about to hit the "I just want to leave now" section of my deployment. I've always missed home but I've always been cool with being here. I think everything's about to change, and it annoys me enough that I don't want to deal with it. I want my people here to stay, and leave when I do. I'm feeling quite selfish about it all.

This week(ish) I learned:

- My boss is pretty much impossible when he doesn't know what he's doing.

- Finishing the draft of your master's thesis and turning it in feels good.  So nice.

Miss you terribly. 

-S.

I have acquired at least three - no make that four - temporary nicknames since I got here.

Tiger Bait, Gimlet, and Mushroom.  Go try to figure those out.

EDIT: also, scooter/scooter girl.  I have no idea how I missed that the first time.

Quote of the week:

"Guys, we don't drop bombs on things because we're bored."

I finally ate it on my scooter, after being here 4 months  (Sorry, Maj H).  See, what had happened was...

They've been doing construction on the roads.  They added a speedbump to my usual route.  And I SAW the speed bump.  But I was then distracted and hit the grate in front of it.  It was pretty dramatic.  I almost caught myself.  I landed, rolled and as I sat there raised my hands over my head in victory.  The poor Brit behind me was so confused.  But once he decided I was fine his only regret was that he didn't get it on video.  My knee is really lovely right now, like three different colors.

On the ongoing drama that's probably all in my own head that is my paper:

Ok so maybe 50 pages isn't going to be so bad.  I'm on page 35 and between a conclusion, abstract, and adding five more sources to the lit review I should be alrite.  It is still lame.  The fact that Netanyahu's official twitter account somehow started following an Iranian porn site and became an internet meme?  Absolutely going into my paper.  Also, can one refer to "the internet" as a person in a masters thesis?  Same question for using the phrase "the rebel alliance."  I'm tempted to use both.  So far Miles Davis radio is the best for paper writing.

My friend Laurie threw out the PB, which sorta makes it official that she's leaving soon.  Lame.  The only positive out of this is there will be less temptation to shop online...she's an enabler.

And there are more new people around.  Squadron Leader Sid, who replaced Bob the Brit, is again being replaced.  The new Sid is named Alistair Reid and he looks like it.

Sad news: my iPad fell this morning.  Not for the first time, or anything like that, but at just the wrong angle or something.  And even in it's sweet hardcore case, the screen shattered from the corner.  Still usable - so I'll email USAA about it and see what's up, and it only has to last two more months.  I'll get a new one at home and find a way to transfer all my stuff over. sigh.

I had a surprisingly existential conversation with the RC-North liaison officer on if zombies run on motivation or instinct.  I vote instinct, I don't think just looking for food because your hungry counts as actual motivation.  It's more survival instinct.  (Welcome to Friday conversations, ladies and gentlemen...)

Since my new schedule is 1100-2300, I'm out a lot later at nite.  And you know, you can have a perfectly still, quiet moment in the small hours of the morning even in Afghanistan, and even if you can't see the stars.

Current reading: The Beautiful and Damned, F. Scott Fitzgerald

Which pretty much puts me in mind of this picture.

 

It's starting to get cool at nite, but so far I haven't needed to break out the jacket or fleece.  I'm told in three weeks there will be snow.

 

Miss you all,

 

-S. 

So I tried to explain tater-tots to a Brit.

It did not go particularly smoothly.  My current pilot-type LNO said we may have set back US/British relations by 5 years...

I also mailed cheese to another part of Afghanistan. No I am not kidding. When I get a notion into my head...I'll let you know how it ultimately works out.

I miss my awesome-circle-chair.  No where here is there a place I can take off my shoes and tuck my feet under me.  I'm tempted to try in this office chair.  It would unquestionably work were it not for the combat boots.  And taking off one's shoes at work is frowned upon for some reason.  With them, I'm not sure...we'll see how it goes.

We shifted schedules.  Now I'm 1100-2300, which most notably means, new workout routine.  Ie, no more crossfit. le Sads. :( I think I can still pull off 2x a days tho, if I can make it back from the first by 2230.  Then I can do one after I get off work, too.  And since I've been up at odd hours I started watching The Lost Room, which is actually pretty good.  It's like a cross between Warehouse 13 (without the comedy aspect) and...I'm not sure.  Something I haven't thought of yet.  If you like sci fi you should look into it.

I got SO MANY MANGOS in the mail today, mwhahaha.  But I shared with Jeremy, because I was  supposed to and I'm nice like that.  Melinda, you rock.

I also got a package from Japan!  I got "shisa dogs" which can only be described as adorably ugly.  I have named them Sushi and Hank.  I'm not sure where they will live here, as of yet.  Erin you rock too. :)

14 pages done on my paper.  That means I need 36 more.  That means 2 pages a day, with 3 for editing.  uuuuug.  This really can't be nearly as difficult as I'm making it, but I really can't even focus on it.

My scooter is officially two-star approved.  The Marine Major General that is my boss saw me on it yesterday morning and told me "That is a great way to get around!"  quoteunquote.  It has been suggested I get a sticker noting the fact.  BAM.  So there, uppity types.

Things we learned this week:

- It's really hard to get feedback from people when no one knows what you do. awkward.

- I've been really out of it all day.  :-/  It's not very productive.

- I better go home through Manas or the AF will have some 'splainin to do, cause I'm already irked with them. 

- Sometimes, people make it really hard not to just be massively disappointed in everyone, in general.

- I don't mind peas if they are in dried, chip like form.  Still counts as veggies, right!?

- There's a rather talkative Lt at DGS4.  He asks lots of questions.  But he answers them too, so it evens out. 

- I can do 4x strict pullups in a row.  This is better than 0.

-S.